


Desolation

by red_jaebyrd



Series: Whumptober 2020 [5]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Batbrothers (DCU), Batbrothers (DCU) Bonding, Damian Wayne Feels, Damian Wayne Needs a Hug, Gen, Grief/Mourning, He's missing Dick and Alfred, Mention of major character death, Prompt: Mourning a Loved One, Protective Jason Todd, Whumptober 2020, teen titans annual 2 aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_jaebyrd/pseuds/red_jaebyrd
Summary: Damian pushed down the lump in his throat and turned his back on them to finish packing his stuff. He didn’t want to talk about it, what good would it do? There was no changing what had happened to Alfred or Damian’s involvement in his death. Talking about it wouldn’t bring Alfred back. Truthfully, all Damian wanted to do right now was punch something or someone, and Todd and Drake were getting dangerously close to getting a fist to the face.First Dick gets shot and is now Ric. Next, Alfred is killed and Damian is blamed, and then no more Robin. It was just a matter of time before Damian crumbled under the grief. Today was that day.
Relationships: Damian Wayne & Jason Todd, Damian Wayne & Tim Drake
Series: Whumptober 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948573
Comments: 12
Kudos: 279





	Desolation

“What’s this shit about you not wanting to be Robin anymore?”

“ _Dude_ ,” Tim scolded. “That’s not how we discussed we were going to do this.”

Hearing Todd say it out loud just made the decision to quit more real. It had been building for a while, the need to step away from Robin, from his family, from this life of fighting crime. By now, Damian was quite numb and detached from the concept of Robin. In all honesty he never felt it was willingly given to him. He stole it from Drake and manipulated Grayson into giving it to him claiming it as his birthright as ‘the blood son’.

Jason glared. “There’s no time for bullshitting. The kid’s obviously making a run for it.”

“What’s it to you, _Todd_?” Damian spat, haphazardly shoving clothes into a duffle. “Grayson only gave it to me because I made him. I no longer have use for it. Drake can have it back.”

Tim scoffed. “Who says I want it back?”

“Robin was never really ours either, D.” Jason cut in. “ _I_ took it from Dick, he didn’t give it to me and Tim weaseled his way into the role to replace me.”

“Hey!”

“Well you did with the whole, ‘Batman needs a Robin’ spiel.”

“He doesn’t _need_ me, not anymore.” Damian said, grabbing an armful of socks from a drawer. “I don’t think he _ever_ needed me. I was never the light to the darkness that he needed.”

Damian piled the socks into the bag and crossed the room to his closet to grab shirts, yanking them unceremoniously off their hangers chucking them into the bag.

“Dick wouldn’t want you to give up the mantle.” Tim said, picking up a stray shirt off the floor. “He _made_ you Robin. It was his legacy to give that to you.”

Damian’s heart clenched. Why did they have to bring up Grayson? He didn’t want to talk about Richard, or Robin. He just wanted to be left alone to pack his stuff, so he could get out of his Father’s house.

“Yeah, well Grayson isn’t here anymore, is he?” Damian bristled, yanking a shirt out of Tim’s grip and dumping it into the bag. “No, he’s someone else now, and he cannot be bothered to care about me, Robin, or this family!”

“He may not be here, but we are.” Jason reasoned, taking the remaining clothes from Damian and setting them on the bed. “Talk to us, Lil’ D.”

Damian gritted his teeth at hearing the nickname Grayson had insisted upon calling him. At first it had grated on Damian’s nerves as he mistook the moniker as a lack of respect instead of embracing it as affection. Grayson had said Damian could call him ‘Big’D’ if he wanted, but Damian had thought the name was absurd and had never got around to doing it. ‘Lil’ D’ had been given to him by Grayson and no one else. Hearing Todd say the name just reminded him that Grayson wasn’t here anymore.

“ _Don’t_ call me – _you_ don’t get to call me _that_!

“Please Damian, you can talk to us.” Tim said calmly, raising his hands in a placating manner.

“Can I, because it sure did not feel that way back at the memorial service. All of you still blame me for what happened to Alfred.” Damian blurted, tears starting to sting his eyes. “I can see it in your faces every time you look at me. You don’t think I blame myself for what happened to him? You don’t think I wish I could have done something to prevent his death? I do, but I can’t and _now_ you want to hear the truth. _Now_ you want me to talk? Well fuck you!”

Silence fell between them. Damian pushed down the lump in his throat and turned his back on them to finish packing his stuff. He didn’t want to talk about it, what good would it do? There was no changing what had happened to Alfred or Damian’s involvement in his death. Talking about it wouldn’t bring Alfred back. Truthfully, all Damian wanted to do right now was punch something or someone, and Todd and Drake were getting dangerously close to getting a fist to the face. There was nothing to talk about with them. They wouldn’t understand. It was too late.

“Damian,” Jason said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Damian shrugged the hand off his shoulder, turned and swung a punch at Todd that didn’t connect, but was instead lazily blocked. The blocked strike only spurred Damian further and he swung again in frustration, this time a left cross, but Todd blocked it too.

The anger in him was bubbling up to the surface and tears spilled down his face with each missed punch. It was like Todd was taunting Damian to hit him, or maybe he saw what he wanted to see. Todd didn’t say a word; instead he kept his focus on Damian. Palms up and flat inviting the punches to come.

“Alfred lied to me!” Damian punched again and wasn’t stopping. “He was still in the house!”

Todd continued to block the hits. It felt like such a betrayal to Alfred to finally say such a thing out loud, but Damian couldn’t keep the grief and anger in any longer. It was eating away at him.

Each punch Damian attempted to connect was meant with either a counter block by Todd or a push. The overexertion began to make Damian’s punches sloppier further fueling his temper. Todd kept his arms up, body loose and face neutral. He kept his eyes on Damian, which continued to unnerve him. Todd was just taking the hits without a word.

Damian aimed another hit at Todd, but Jason moved before it connected. “He told Father he was safe, so Father had me reenter Gotham. But it was a lie. And then I got him _killed_.” 

He charged at Todd one more time taking the chance at a punch to the abdomen, but Todd instead wrapped his arms around Damian pinning his arms to his side. Damian struggled against the contact still trying to get his punches to connect. His chest heaved and more tears streamed down his face. Strong arms repositioned around Damian’s shoulders and he slowly started to process that Todd was hugging him and rubbing his back.

Damian allowed himself to give into the hug and fully gave into the tears. He hated crying, especially in front of Todd and Drake, but he couldn’t rein them in any longer. The dam broke and before Damian knew it, he was sobbing. Todd continued to hold him rubbing small circles on his back. The hug was stiff and awkward, but he could hear Todd telling him it was okay and to let it out. The hug was nothing like a Grayson hug, which was all warmth and arms encompassing every part of him. Todd held him so gently it was almost like he wasn’t hugging Damian at all. Still, Damian found comfort in the closeness.

“Why would he do _that_? Why would he lie to _me_?” Damian hiccupped into Todd’s chest. He knew he sounded like a petulant child. He knew an explanation for Alfred’s actions likely didn’t exist. He just couldn’t wrap his brain around the simple fact that Alfred had betrayed his trust.

Todd and Drake said nothing. Todd continued to rub gentle circles on his back, so Damian continued.

“And now everyone hates me, for something I had no say in,” he sniffed. “I was following orders, Father’s orders, and those orders got Alfred killed. And the one person who would have believed me without question refuses to acknowledge my existence. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Yes,” both Jason and Tim replied.

Damian broke away from the embrace and just stared at both of them shaking his head. He wrapped his arms around himself protectively.

“I should have seen right through the lie, but I didn’t,” Damian said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “I should have known it was too easy. I was so blind to think that Father had this all under control.”

“Stop, you couldn’t have foreseen any of this, Damian.” Tim interjected. “We all trusted Alfred, but he had his own plans. In his mind I think he thought that what he was doing was for a greater good. None of this is your fault.”

“But it is my fault. I was the one –“

“No, Tim’s right.” Jason interrupted. “This wasn’t your fault. We can’t answer for Alfred, or explain why he did what he did. We can’t fix what has already been done, but we can fix us. We’re…we’re your brothers, whether you wish to claim us or not. We’re in this together and we’ll get through this together.”

“There’s more…” Damian hesitated not sure if what he was about to say would be well received, but he was done keeping things to himself.

“The truth is I do not feel I can be Robin anymore,” Damian confessed, moving toward the duffle putting stray socks in the bag. It was easier to say what he had to say if his back was to them. “I have made so many mistakes, long before Richard’s shooting and Alfred’s death. I tried to do what Father would never do when it came to fixing crime and it backfired. I drove away my team and now I feel like I have driven away the only family I have ever had.”

“You didn’t drive us away,” Tim insisted, sitting on the bed to face Damian. “We pulled away from you and that was wrong. I’m sorry, Damian.”

“I’m sorry too,” Jason added, putting his hand on Damian’s shoulder.

Damian nodded. “I still do not wish to be Robin.”

“Alright, but make sure you’re stepping away from it for the right reasons and not because you think _you_ are the problem.” Jason advised. “We all made mistakes wearing the ‘R’. We learned from these mistakes and moved on. You earned the mantle. Regardless of the how and why, Dick gave it to you.”

“Maybe stepping away from it for now is the best thing,” Tim added. “And if in a few weeks or months you still don’t want it back, we’ll help you pick a new identity that fits you, okay?”

“Those are all agreeable terms, Drake. Thank you.”

Jason wrapped his arms around Damian. The hug this time felt a little more natural and a little less awkward.

“Look kid, I know I’m not Dick, and I know things are tough and all right now…Man, I suck at this.”

“Shut up, Todd, you’re doing fine.”

“Like I said before, kid, we’ll get through this together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus Dialogue  
> Jason: Finish packing your bag. You're coming with us.
> 
> Damian: Where are we going?
> 
> Tim: Bludhaven. We're gonna get Dick back.


End file.
